As an independent woman in today’s world, it is important to maintain a good balance of masculine to feminine energy. So many of us (myself included) have taught ourselves to succeed in our day jobs and businesses. This success has required us to, at times, be pushy, demanding and strong-minded, and this can become a pattern we follow everywhere in our lives. It is so easy to go to dark side, and become a control freak.
I refer to this as the ‘alpha woman phenomenon’.
If this describes you, read on for some tips on keeping this tendency in check when it comes to dating:
1. Become a great listener – Many of us prefer to speak more than we listen. If this is you, work on your listening skills.
A good friend once recommended the ‘3 sentence rule’ to me. The goal was to not speak more than 3 sentences at a time during a conversation.
Listening is an incredibly valuable skill, and will serve you well in every aspect of your life. It makes you a great friend and date.
2. Let go of the urge to control.
Allow the man to make the plans for some of your dates. This doesn’t mean you need to turn into a submissive woman, but it’s ok to allow your date to lead.
Don’t chase him, but do let him chase you.
It can be a bit scary if you’re used to making all the decisions and plans in every environment you’re in. If this is the case, you especially need this time off. Many of us are caregivers and are used to doing everything. Let that tendency go for a bit.
Regarding the chasing thing, I used to believe that it was contrary to the feminist movement to give men all the power. Now I understand the physiological reasons why a man needs to pursue.
It’s ok for you to initiate a relationship and ask someone out, but after that, lean back to see if he is interested and willing to take the lead. If he’s interested, he will.
And if he’s not, trust me – in retrospect, you will regret spending the time with him and the heartache that ensues in just being with him for a short while. It’s not a recipe for the best version of you, or your best life!
3. Show that you are a strong woman. It is so easy to become hardened with all that we experience in life. Whether or not you’ve had tremendous success at work, you’ve definitely had your share of bad experiences.
We all go through stuff. Do your absolute best to let this stuff go and be in the moment on dates, and in your life in general. if you sometimes have issues keeping your emotions in check, do what you can to heal the underlying issues.
Get counseling, talk it out with friends, do yoga, exercise regularly, get sleep. Do all that you need to to be the best you that you can. In order to attract a high quality mate you need to be a high quality mate.
Work on dropping any walls that you have erected, and let the person that you are talking to in.
4. Be open to trying new things on dates. This can be scary. And I’m referring to activities in public, ha ha!
It’s great to show your different dimensions, and that you are open to activities that you might not be good at. It’s not a competition, and it’s absolutely ok to lose at bowling, or archery, or whatever.
Take it as a new experience, and an interesting story for the future. Let go of the urge to only show the skills you excel at. Perfection is boring.
5. Learn about presence and body language in meetings and for public speaking. Amy Cuddy has a great TED talk on this subject.
You can use these if you get nervous before or during dates. And they can only help with other aspects of your life where courage and confidence are assets
6. Be cautious of any behavior that might come across as one-upping. When they are talking about something they did, be mindful of letting them speak and listening.
Work on not thinking of similar things that you have done and want to talk about. Let the topic be about them, and ask them questions to find out more. Let your own similar topics go.
You can bring them up later if you remember to, and it’s appropriate. Even if you forget about it, that’s ok too. In dating, it’s important to be a good listener.
You most likely don’t want someone that is interested in listening all the time. You want an equal partner right? Not just a fan club?
For more on this subject, join me in my facebook group, Revolutionize Your Life https://www.facebook.com/groups/1848462325443520! I post a lot of dating-related posts and videos. Hope to see you there!