When you first start dating someone, the situation is exciting. It can also be a bit nerve-wracking. You’re still working to figure out if there’s a connection that could lead to something long term. As part of that process, you might, at least once, get ‘ghosted’ by someone that you liked and saw potential with.
Ghosting is when the person you are dating stops messaging you and is unresponsive to messages or calls. It happened to me when I was dating, and happens to most daters at least once in life. While this can be painful, it’s important to not take it as a sign that dating is not for you.
1. If a person is willing to just stop all contact without warning or logical reasoning, they are not the right long term partner for you. Take it as their issue, and be glad it happened now, and not a year from now. They did not see long term potential in you as a couple. Or something come up, and they flaked out. You did NOT lose your soulmate, no matter how bad it feels.
2. You’re allowed to wallow a bit, but don’t get stuck in sadness. As soon as you feel up to it, and ready to meet someone without comparing them to the other person, do it. Set a deadline for when the moping needs to end, and make plans after that date.
3. I recommend continuing to look online while you mope, just to remind yourself that there are lots of other potential partners out there for you.
4. How would you feel if the ghoster was a platonic friend, and did this to you? Would you see them as a reliable person and a close friend? Or would you obsess about what you did to ruin the relationship, and take it as a sign that you’re horrible at dating?
5. Sometimes relationships don’t work out long term. There does not have to be a specific reason. and it doesn’t mean that either party is a bad person. Take this as a sign that the relationship would have ended eventually. Isn’t it better that it ended now, than when you were married for years and had grandkids? Again, who wants to waste their time on someone that bails when issues come up? It just was not meant to be. That’s a painful fact, but sometimes it’s just true – you would not have worked out as a couple long term. Do your best to let it go. Eventually, the sadness will be a distant memory. And the right guy will make you forget all of the wrong ones.
6. Hang out with friends that uplift you. Do the things that you enjoy, and focus on new happy moments. Do the work to get back to the you you were before this happened.
You will have happy days again.
In summary (tl;dr), ghosting happens. It’s important to do the quick recover and not use it as internal proof that you are no good in relationships. Or that you are not a catch. Because I promise that you were before this happened, and you still are!
I hope you found these tips helpful! I’d love to read your thoughts on this.
Lots of love,
P.S. If you need help getting past this, click on my calendly link and set up a time for us to talk. I offer free 30 minute calls to help with this and all dating issues. I live to help women through these issues. No one needs to suffer alone!