So if you clicked on this post, chances are you’re going through something and feeling a bit down. Maybe you tried out for something like a job or other opportunity, and didn’t get selected. Or you’re getting over a failed relationship. Everyone experiences setbacks at one time or another.
If you ever find yourself in an emotional funk, and things just are not going as you’d like them to, it’s a good time to take a closer look at your goals. They might need to change, and this latest setback is a sign. Often, when you go through a difficult time, it’s because things have changed and it’s time for something better to come along. Even if it causes a lot of temporary sadness and disappointment, try to see if it for the blessing that it can be.
Karen Kingston, a Feng Shui specialist I really admire, says this brilliantly with the following statement. ”Most types of depression are caused by your Higher Self stopping you from doing what you have been doing because it is time for you to do something else.’ So let’s take a look at some steps you can follow to find out what your ‘something else’ might be.
10 steps to finding new dreams:
1. Commit to turning things completely around: Whether the old dream was related to a relationship, a job, or some other life goal that remains unfulfilled, or that didn’t pan out as you wanted it to, this is just a temporary setback. Change is painful, but it’s the one guarantee you have – that things constantly change. If you find yourself spinning your wheels, but not making any progress toward your goal, it’s time to take a closer look. Could this just not be the right dream for you? If you are not able to achieve it, it is because there’s something (or someone) better out there, that’s more closely in line with your needs and wants.
2. Face the fact that your dreams have changed. Feel the sadness and fears that you might never reach this goal in your life. It’s not true, but you need to feel this fear, because it’s a reality and everyone feels this way at a certain point in life. Don’t wallow for too long, but face your fears. Change is very hard, and fear of change is a very normal thing that we all will experience.
3. Play around with possibilities, and let inspiration strike. Once you’ve allowed yourself to wallow, start out fresh and with a new focus. Begin to explore areas that interest you, whether it’s clicking on articles that you find interesting on the web, tv shows that appeal to you or people that you meet and feel a commonality with. Another way to jumpstart this process is to look at hobbies, activities, adventures and things on your bucket list, old subjects in school that you were interested in or aside from what you currently do in your ‘day job’, or subjects that you enjoy teaching others about or tend to be the go-to person for amongst your family and friends. If you hear of a new activity that sounds interesting in conversation, take the next step and see if there is a groupon to try it for less than the full price. Bargains are always a fun win!
If you trend more toward certain new interests as goals, such as a new car, or a new vacation spot, or some other new thing or experience, collect images of this new thing. Create a vision board or scrapbook of your favorites, or an online pinterest account with a board of images found online that appeal to you. Visit your board often, especially when you feel sad or discouraged.
Make a habit of visiting and updating it regularly, as your interests change and items/experiences are acquired.
4. Pick one idea or subject and explore it more fully. Really delve into it, and determine if it is something worth pursuing. Think a lot about what you do in the evenings and over the weekends for fun and out of interest. Is there a way to incorporate aspects of this hobby into a career? If so, do a deep dive. If the subject is job related, explore what it would take for you to get the training needed to switch to this new line of work. Look at internships or volunteer work, and other ways of gathering hands-on resume-filling experience. Is there a product that you have an idea for? Are you interested in starting your own business? As you already know, this will take a lot of self knowledge and it does take a while to get a business off the ground.
5. Take the Myers Briggs test to determine your personality type. It can be a valuable tool in learning about ones personality. Once you take the test, you can also read more about your specific type here: https://type-coach.com/types.
I also really recommend the enneagram methodology for personality types. Look up what your results mean, career-wise. Ask coworkers for 5 qualities that are your ‘special skills’ on the job, in terms of a special way that you handle job tasks. I guarantee you have special skills that others have noticed, and that you might be unaware of.
6. Allow for small failures as you experiment with your interests. You will hit dead ends or lose interest in many of them eventually, so the more aware you are that this happens, the easier it will be to recover quickly and continue moving. It is ok at times to just keep putting one foot in front of the other as you try different things. These are technically not failures, but rather are proof that the interests with barriers that you are interested in overcoming and are able to cross are the ones you should pursue further.
7. Read up on meditation, and try to incorporate little steps into your day. One of my favorite times to do this is to lay down at night or in the morning. Close your eyes and just relax and remain quiet. As time passes and thoughts pop up, imagine them floating by you like seaweed falling to the bottom of the ocean. Try to do this for 5 minutes and see how it goes. If you’re new to meditation, the first few times will be difficult. Keep it up for a few days, and you will notice a newly enhanced tendency toward calm during your day.
8. Decide to live for yourself. Often we fail to achieve dreams because they were not from our hearts and minds, but the dreams of others for us. If status/ fame/money are the main incentive behind the dream, it’s not the actual dream and best motivation for you. Use the steps above to learn your deepest self more fully. What does your ideal self love and hate doing? What are your passions? In the pursuit of these passions, you will find your most fulfilled self.
I’m a big fan of self-help during difficult times. If you think reading a book with quizzes to gauge your skills and interests would be helpful, do it! If this doesn’t work, try something else.
9. Be around people that love you and are there to boost you up when you fall. We all have bad times, and it’s important to prep for them. If you need to, make a list of a few positive minded friends or family members that you feel safe opening up to. Funny people automatically go to the top of the list!
10. Go through the above steps as many times as it takes. Determining what will fulfill you is not an easy or quick process. If you do it the right way, it can be a lot of fun. Enjoy the process and use this time as a valuable tool toward self-knowledge!! This process is a life long one. Make sure to practice the steps and make getting in tune with yourself a lifelong habit.
Other books and programs that I highly recommend:
- The Lucky Bitch Money Blocks bootcamp by Denise Hatfield – Duffield (more expensive), or the book based on this course – ‘Get Rich, Lucky Bitch’ (cheaper)
- The Joy Diet (book) by Martha Beck
Please Note: If you feel you might be clinically depressed, please contact a licensed professional such as a therapist or psychiatrist to get real one-on-one help with this issue. It’s normal to feel sad from time to time, but clinical depression is a very different thing, and requires more help than can be provided in a blog, and without knowing more about your situation. If this is you, please make sure to get help soon.